Figuring It Out
I am sitting at my desk with the intention of making my blog public as soon as possible. I can write like there’s no tomorrow. Where I run into trouble is on the technical side of things.
For instance, it is March 22, 2023. That’s not what the date on this article shows, and I don’t know how to change it. I’m sure it’s something simple. I’ll figure it out. All of this is a learning curve.
I have my windows open, and there is a cool breeze caressing my legs. I am garbed in by normal work uniform: champion gym shorts and a Henley, two of the three buttons buttoned. There was a time I would’ve left all of the buttons unbuttoned, but that was before the accident. Before my body was broken and reassembled as best as the surgeons were able to put me back together.
I don’t really want to talk too much about the accident and the fact that I am differently – abled. These are facts of my everyday life, and I don’t want them to define me. With the help of technology and a little assistance from my CNA, Susie, who is generously provided through my VA benefits, I can live a normal and independent life.
And. I. Love. It!
It’s fucking awesome.
What is even more fucking awesome is the gratitude that fills my heart whenever I think of all that it has taken to get me to this point in my life: living a writer’s life in the mountains of Western North Carolina.
I have yet to truly explore this area. I own that. It’s by own fault that I haven’t gotten out more. I admit that my disability has inhibited me. It’s not just about the physical limitations, it’s also the psychological limitations that I am working to change.
I’m always embarrassed.… That’s not right. I am sometimes embarrassed by my disability. I feel like people are staring at me even when there’s no one around. Are they watching me from the windows of their apartments? What about a passing car? It’s all in my head. I know that’s true, and I expect it will simply take some time for me to get past that.
I have already completed a substantial entry in my journal as well as worked on the novel that I’m currently writing. First drafts are joy. I don’t have to give a crap when I’m writing the first draft. It’s a matter of getting the words out there, shaping the idea, learning about the characters. It’s one of the most freeing feelings I know, to work on a first draft. And just get the damn thing done
I already have a recipe printed out for my CNA to help me make: lentil and potato soup. No mushrooms this time. I do love lentils, but I need to branch out with five recipes eventually.
Something else that has been on my mind is my reading, or lack thereof. I haven’t read much in the past couple days. I set out with the intention of reading but get sidetracked by things like watching a movie or binging on Better Call Saul. Reading always comes last during the day when it should have roughly the same priority as my writing.
I will change this. I will set out daily reading goals, and rearrange my schedule so that reading comes sooner rather than later. And speaking of…
It is time to get to the reading.
