For Sanity’s Sake
Before the accident, I spent a lot of time outside, walking and running, stopping to do pushups in the dirt, saying hi to neighbors and other runners…
I can’t say I had lots of friends, because I didn’t. I still don’t, but getting outside and enjoying even brief interactions with others went a long way to helping me feel connected.
Nature is healing, and a friendly hello is energizing.
Since the accident, I’ve been challenged to get out even half as much as I used to. Partly it’s because of the sheer effort to get out of the house, and partly it’s because I’m still getting accustomed to the looks and kind deference I experience. It makes me feel like Quasimodo.
That’s not fair to those who are so kind to me. There is goodness in people. It’s mostly an internal struggle and perception I’m working to change.
When I was in rehab, the schedule of activities kept me busy. I got out of my room often and interacted with others on a daily basis.
And I had FUN! The staff at QLI in Omaha, where I did my rehab, were top notch.
Then I made the move to Asheville, a town I’d only visited once. I wanted to be closer to family, but I also needed a less severe winter climate than Michigan. And then there are the mountains! I love living in the mountains.
My older sister, knowing that I’m politically left leaning and used to the eclecticism of Ann Arbor, suggested Asheville, and she was spot on.
But what I was missing when I moved here is structure. I fell out of the practice of getting outside and interacting with others. I moved here in September of 2021. It’s 2023 now, and I’ll be honest: I’ve made only three friends locally.
That’s okay with me. I’ve never been very social. It’s not that I dislike people. It’s only that I prefer solitude most of the time.
But there’s a limit to how much solitude I need, or is even healthy for me.
I fell into periods where I didn’t leave my apartment for weeks. Groceries were delivered, and my CNA would fetch the mail for me. I FaceTimed with family, but other than that and talking with my CNA, I had no social interaction.
Oh, wait. Twice a week I would sign on for Zoom support sessions with friends who are also disabled from their injuries. So I’m not a total shut-in.
Still, I’ll be the first to admit that I have been in an unhealthy pattern of not getting out for fresh air or getting the social interaction that suits me.
So I’ve made a vow to go for walks at least four times per week, also using my wheelchair for longer excursions. Fresh air and sunshine! And exercise.
Having been a distance runner, not exercising brought with it an emotional toll. I’ve battled depression, exacerbated by the fact that I’m bipolar 2. Life and emotions are a veritable roller coaster.
I’m also learning to reach out socially in a manner that suits me. This means finding penpals who enjoy long form correspondence. With technology such as it is, finding penpals is pretty easy.
I use penpalwprld.com, and I’ve so far found penpals in the Czech Republic, Hungary, Venezuela, England, Vermont, and South Carolina. Email makes writing convenient, and the technology exists for videoconferencing around the globe.
One of my favorite parts of the day is writing to my penpals. It’s my preferred method of communication.
I’m fascinated by how technology has enabled me to stay connected, and I’m grateful for it. If only more people practiced communication with others, sometimes others with different perspectives, we may not have so much division and polarization in the world.
I’ve grown quite spiritual since the accident. Seeing the afterlife will do that to a person. I believe we’re all part of something greater than the individual. The universe is a living entity. God? Sure! Or Source. Or Oneness.
When we die and turn in these rental bodies, we’ll know. Understanding that there is divinity in each of us, whether we choose to believe it or not, is a powerful antidote to the poison of separation.
But I’m not here to preach. We all must walk our own paths. I’m here just trying to figure it all out and sharing in the process. Thank you for reading. 🙏
